As I sit here an hour or so later after finding out my Grandmom likely has cancer of the lungs, liver and adrenal glands I don’t know what to do.

Is there really anything to do? She’s nearing 80, smoked most of her life, and I didn’t expect her to live forever but I’m gutted and destroyed. I can’t stop crying and I’m worried about what this will do to our family.

My Grandmom is a hard lady, as they say she’s seen some shit. She’s raised great children who I’m honored to call my aunts, uncles and most importantly my mother. She worked her ass off to provide what she could to her kids and didn’t give a damn about what anyone thought of her.

She was 5’1” at best but was a complete powder keg when you pissed her off. Her claims to fame were following my uncles to a brawl, getting involved in the brawl, and taking a punch from my uncle (still my most favorite story) and punching out someone at a wedding reception in her 60’s.

As hard as she was she had a heart the size of the universe and that’s why my heart is breaking. She’d drop anything for her kids, her grandkids, her great grandkids etc. I called her after leaving my wife and said “Grandmom I need to talk” and the next thing I knew she accepted me, my dog, my life and my baggage without question. I lived with her as a 40 something for over a year. Never was I hungry nor lonely. She took to my elderly dog and as much as she’d call him ugly she loved him and he loved her.

I’m in debt to her for making my mom such a wonderful mother and for her being a wonderful person. I’m so terribly sad and my heart aches.

I love you!