My guy Sparky

Man, this is the hardest thing ever, my old guy isn’t doing too well.  I thought I can handle just about anything. 

He was doing OK and then seemed to be uncomfortable a couple of weeks ago.  Then that turned to whining, Spark has never been a very vocal dog, so it was a bit worrisome.  I probably waited too long but got him to the vets and had him checked out.  We did blood and urine tests and the vet sent him home with antibiotics as he was showing the usual symptoms of UTI or bladder infection from being immobilized and in diapers all the time. 

We did a week of 250mg antibiotics, and it seemed to clear his bladder infection, but he’s still off.  He only wants to eat sliced deli ham lol, but not much else.  Leaning to one side, sleepy and lethargic.  The vet said his blood tests showed that “his kidney’s weren’t working very well at all.”  But the symptoms seem to point to end stage kidney failure…

I held out hope that he would be ok and just bounce back like he normally does.  But seems his age, broken kidneys, and repeated issues may have finally caught up with him. 

I have a sliver of hope he’ll bounce back this weekend.  That’s what I keep telling myself.  “He will bounce back he always does” but I think we’ve run our course with that. 

I’ll call the vet Monday and see what they think, but I’m pretty sure this will be the last stop in my old man’s ride of life. 

And I’m shattered because of it.  It’s absolutely the worst decision I’ve ever had to make.  I’m fine one minute and a mess the next.

People lose pets all the time, but when you boil it down you’re deciding when your best friend in life will leave you.  

Kind of terrible thing to have to do. 

Either way I dont think we’ll have much more time left with my guy. 

I’ll keep everyone posted, but if you have a favorite Sparky picture, story, or whatever, I’m sure it’ll be nice to see and hear. 

Grandmom Lockman

As I sit here an hour or so later after finding out my Grandmom likely has cancer of the lungs, liver and adrenal glands I don’t know what to do.

Is there really anything to do? She’s nearing 80, smoked most of her life, and I didn’t expect her to live forever but I’m gutted and destroyed. I can’t stop crying and I’m worried about what this will do to our family.

My Grandmom is a hard lady, as they say she’s seen some shit. She’s raised great children who I’m honored to call my aunts, uncles and most importantly my mother. She worked her ass off to provide what she could to her kids and didn’t give a damn about what anyone thought of her.

She was 5’1” at best but was a complete powder keg when you pissed her off. Her claims to fame were following my uncles to a brawl, getting involved in the brawl, and taking a punch from my uncle (still my most favorite story) and punching out someone at a wedding reception in her 60’s.

As hard as she was she had a heart the size of the universe and that’s why my heart is breaking. She’d drop anything for her kids, her grandkids, her great grandkids etc. I called her after leaving my wife and said “Grandmom I need to talk” and the next thing I knew she accepted me, my dog, my life and my baggage without question. I lived with her as a 40 something for over a year. Never was I hungry nor lonely. She took to my elderly dog and as much as she’d call him ugly she loved him and he loved her.

I’m in debt to her for making my mom such a wonderful mother and for her being a wonderful person. I’m so terribly sad and my heart aches.

I love you!